After they will say they're not dating! See this pic of D'banj & Bonang

The SA media personality, who has been rumoured to be dating the Kokomaster shared this photo of the two of them in Mauritius and wrote "12:54..... Cîroc takes over Mauritius! ️️"

 

Dear LIB readers; My boyfriend calls back anybody who calls me

From a female LIB reader

I've been dating this guy for a year and half now, and we've been good from the start but recently he's been acting weird. Anytime I talk on the phone with someone, he asks me who called and if it's someone he doesn't know, he calls the person back. I've lost a lot of friends because of him. He has also asked me to stop talking to them with the excuses they will corrupt me or they are potential threats ..I don't know what to do! I need help.

'A loved one gone forever. How it feels!' late Toba Falode's sister Tolu shares experience

Toba Falode would have been 21 years old this month if he hadn't been murdered mysteriously in Dubai last year. Tolu, his only sister writes to share her feelings since his demise. Read below...

It’s been over a year and I can scarcely remember Toba’s voice. Sometimes if I stand still enough and think, I can hear his whisper before it fades away into the mist of time.

In that process I have become acquainted with the pain. It has stopped tugging at my heart and clogging my eyes with tears. Instead, it has become a still awareness in my spirit. It lingers there whenever I search for my brother’s face.

In those moments I search my memories for his smile, in those seconds I feel a glimpse of his eyes focused on my spirit. But then pain answers.

It answers with a stern voice of certainty: he’s not here. It pouts its lips in confidence and gives me a cold smile filled with the sting of death.

But now, I anticipate its presence and so I watch it as well. Stubbornly staring at it as I try and probe, scrutinizing its shadows, searching for my brother’s face. I refuse to let the trickle of his presence leave my spirit finally as I move forward.

I fight it even as I know it is a battle I have lost. Still I want to remember so I stubbornly sit in front of it demanding for my memories.

I look for the feeling I miss the most. When I would anger Toba with my voice, or even my shouts of irritation at his stubbornness. I look for those moments we fought like true blood siblings. I look for the times we laughed so hard we nearly felt pain from the force of happiness that lifted our spirits.

I look for his snigger of amusement as he tried to scare me into screaming. I look for that feeling of love that flooded my soul whenever I looked into his eyes.

And I feel it fade away into the distance. I tug at it determined not to let it leave. I fight the pain that has replaced his presence.

I search for Toba everyday. How? I think it happens when I try to remember the feeling of a sibling. I feel the absence of his presence burden my soul.

It haunts me in different ways. 

When I look for his voice that would always answer my thoughts with confident reassurance, I seek his face.

When I remember his beautiful smile, I try and remember the sound of his laughter.

And other times, when I face challenges that somehow have become heavier in his absence, I long for his thoughts and words of wisdom.

And so I converse with the pain trying to coax it into giving me back my memories.

I ask the sorrow for his smile. I question the silence for his voice. I watch the pain for a glimpse of his presence.

And I find I have begun to forget and that is the sharpest truth of all; that time has stretched past my memories and replaced them with a fog filled with emptiness.

That his time on Earth is done and my steps have moved forward; hence I cannot find my way back.

Back to our childhood memories of laughter, anger, pain and joy. I cannot find my way back to those moments I watched him so intensely as he told me about his dreams. I cannot find my way back to his laughter-that beautiful melody of hope that always sang in my spirit-yes, I miss that the most. 

No, I cannot find my way back to that sibling feeling-you know right? That feeling you get from annoying your brother/sister just because of the unique joy it births in your spirit. That feeling of just being. The feeling of a sibling bond.

Pain reminds me I have begun to forget.

Stubbornly I refuse to listen to the truth in that fact. Stubbornly I still sit and try and feel his voice in my spirit. 

And though he is gone, I feel a whiff of reassurance that he is present. 

He is present because I am his sister. He is present because he is my brother. He is present because we are family.

GIFT OF GRACE:

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10 Tips To Be A Great Lover She Would Never Resist

One of the easiest ways to be a great boyfriend is to understand your partner and put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
But for an easier way out, here are ten tips on how to be a good boyfriend that can help you make all the difference in your love life.

#1 Treat her like a lady
Boyfriends aren’t born great. They become good boyfriends by knowing how to behave with women and the girl they love.
One of the first steps in getting the admiration of a girl you like is to treat her like a lady.
Learn to be chivalrous and understand what it takes to make her feel special.
It’s easy to play nice until you get the girl, and treat her like you don’t care once the chase is over, but guys who do that will never be able to hold on to a great girl who’s desired by all guys.

#2 Respect her as a person
You can’t expect your girlfriend to do everything you want or behave the way you expect her to, just because she’s your girlfriend. Remember that she’s just your girlfriend, you don’t own her and shouldn’t expect her to behave like a trained monkey just because she’s likes you or you’re getting some action in bed with her.
If you want to know how to be a good boyfriend, learn to treat your girlfriend with respect and pay attention to her needs. Don’t take her words lightly or ignore her advice just because she’s a ‘girl’. If you truly do love your girlfriend, you would respect her too.
And if you can’t respect her, it’s obvious it’s not love that’s holding the relationship together.

#3 Remember the special days
Do you ever forget your birthday? Of course, you don’t. You never forget your birthday because it’s a really special day that comes just once a year, right?
Don’t you think your anniversary is special too, or perhaps your girlfriend’s birthday? It’s really arrogant when a guy forgets a special occasion and then says it’s no big deal. If your own special day can be important, why can’t you understand that women give equal attention to their special days too. Try to make a conscious effort to understand your girlfriend and remember the special days if she’s indeed important to you

#4 Be caring and affectionate
For men, what matters is physical intimacy and s*x. For women, s*x is equally important, but they do appreciate a lot of affection too. Just like s*x matters to men, cuddles and affection matter just as much for women. Show your affection by spending time holding hands or sitting down in each other’s arms while having a conversation.
A warm hug and a few affectionate kisses mean more in love than wild s*xual escapades. And it’ll help your relationship last longer too.

#5 Don’t take your girlfriend for granted
One of the most important aspects of knowing how to be a good boyfriend is to avoid taking your girlfriend for granted. If she gives you a foot massage or cooks a delicious meal for you over the weekend, just don’t take your girlfriend for granted and expect the same every weekend. In a great relationship, both partners have to understand the efforts of their lover and realize that every simple gesture is a sign of love and affection that should never be taken for granted.
Never ever take your girlfriend for granted or take a special gesture for granted. Instead, always learn to be thankful and appreciative of every single affectionate gesture.

#6 Support your girlfriend when she’s in need
All of us need a helpful hand when we’re in need. You don’t need to be clingy and become her Man Friday who’s there to answer her every beck and call. But when your girlfriend genuinely asks you for advice or help, be there to help her out.
Your weekend games or your male bonding time may be important to you, but on a rare occasion that your girlfriend asks you for a bit of help, make sure you’re by her side. It’s always reassuring for a girl to know that she can depend on her man for a helpful hand.

#7 Learn to apologize
Now this isn’t just isolated to boyfriends, but since we’re going over how to be a good boyfriend, we’ll stick to the man’s side of things. It may be egoistically painful to apologize, but sometimes, it’s a generous and yet humble move when a man can apologize to his girlfriend even if he’s not the one who’s wrong.
In the heat of an argument, it’s easy to get egoistic and have tempers flying on a high, but always remember that a simple apology can end the fight and help both of you communicate better. At times, apologize to your girlfriend even if it’s not your fault for the sake of the relationship.
P.S. You can always hint to your girlfriend that you’re still right when both of you are having a laugh after a few hours. It’ll help both of you sort your differences without getting blinded by anger or ego.

#8 Listen to her needs
Communicate and understand her needs and wants. Try to understand your girlfriend’s feelings, and even if she ever does sulk or behave grumpily, try to understand what’s going on in her mind instead of retaliating back in anger. Sometimes, women may find it easier to sit by themselves or throw an angry fit instead of getting straight to the point. It’s one of the differences in the way men and women react to pain or anger.
Instead of getting angry over her behavior, realize that men and women are different in such cases and try to understand her mind without losing your cool. It’ll make her feel better, and you a lot more understanding over time.

#9 Don’t try to dominate her
Most guys have a tendency to dominate their girlfriends. It may start out subtly in little ways like watching a favorite show or telling the girlfriend to avoid speaking to a few particular friends. But eventually, the urge to control a partner grows to an uncontrollable level, especially after marriage and even more so if the man’s the sole breadwinner.
This is one of the worst ways of trying to hold a relationship together. Instead of trying to dominate, learn to communicate. You can’t cage a lover or try to manipulate them into becoming what you want them to be. Love is about the attraction between two individuals. If you try to change someone, it’s not love that’s holding both of you together, it’s your insecurity and cowardliness.

#10 Push your girlfriend to be a better person
If you want to know how to be a good boyfriend, this is as good as it gets. You know your girlfriend better than anybody else, flaws and all. Most guys assume a relationship is all about being happy and in love, and having a great time in bed. But that’s not where love ends.
Help your girlfriend become a better person and help her overcome her flaws. When both of you try to make each other better individuals by overcoming each other’s flaws, you can achieve more happiness and satisfaction out of life. Learn to positively criticize your girlfriend and help her with her flaws at the same time. By helping her become a better person, she’ll love you and respect you a lot more.

Always remember that knowing how to be a good boyfriend is easy, as long as you have the patience to look at the world through your girlfriend’s eyes and learn to understand her thoughts and her wants.

Diddy explains how making love with Cassie inspired his racy 3AM ad

Diddy's new racy fragrance ad has been described as too hot for TV because it features a love making session between him and girlfriend Cassie. Explaining why he chose Cassie to do the commercial with him, Diddy told Ellen DeGeneres that he chose her instead of a random model because of his affection for her and their lovemaking is natural

"My girlfriend, she's a model and a recording artist. And I had casted someone for the commercial and the commercial has these intense-type of love scenes. When I saw who I casted for the commercial, it wasn't as natural as it would be if it was somebody that I really had an affection for and also someone I had made love to before. So, basically, a light goes off in my head. It's two hours before the commercial. I said 'I need to call my girlfriend, she needs to be in this commercial. She's a model, one of the most beautiful women in the world'. So I called her" He said...

Stephanie Okereke's Tips On How To Keep A Man

The actress who recently celebrated her third marriage anniversary revealed the truth about women – and the men who love them, saying it goes beyond how they look or what they wear. She said: “Sometimes, it’s the less obvious attributes women have that get their man’s attention.
I did us a favour by asking people, mostly men, about what gets their attention. HERE  are some of the responses I got.
Flipping YOUR Hair: Women do this better with a hairstyle that has a front or side fringe. It might seem very innocent, but men love it when women do that. Trust me. I know.
Adjusting His Tie: Ladies, do you sometimes reach for YOUR husband’s tie and adjust it, even when it really doesn’t need to be adjusted? Lol! He might not say it, but he loves the thoughtfulness behind that action.
Leaving Some Treats For Him: Most times, when I buy myself a treat, it could be anything from chocolates to a rare fruit, I leave some in the fridge for my hubby. It’s not about the PRICE of the treat, but the thought behind leaving some for him that matters.
Getting YOUR Make-up Done: I know most men grumble when they are about to go out with their wives and she is spending the whole time putting her make-up on. He might not like being kept waiting, but he likes the fact that you put extra care into looking good when going out with him.
Acting Goofy: Sometimes, it’s cool to just act silly and childish. Men love this. You could do a silly dance or talk in a funny voice and just make the mood lighter. This brings about some healthy laughter which is great for any relationship.
Cooking Rare & Tasty Meals: Most times, women think that because cooking is something they do regularly, there is nothing so special about it. I disagree. Men appreciate the time their wives spend in the kitchen cooking for them, especially if the meal is lip-smacking tasty.
Biting YOUR  Lips: When doing the right way, with just enough eye contact, you are sure to melt YOUR man’s heart.
Scolding With Love: Men can act like babies sometimes…. leave their CLOTHES lying around, messing up the house with litter, scattering their clothes moments after you arranged it! They know they did wrong, but the way you react and scold them lightly with love makes all the difference to them. They totally love it (though they will do the same thing again).

William Ifeanyi Moore: Main Dish And A Garnishing Of The Side Chic

A friend of mine was telling me how she was ‘seeing’ this man that had a girlfriend. Initially she thought it would not bother her. After all besides his occasional company and good D, for monthly servicing she wasn’t sure she could tolerate him all that much. Not to mention the fact that he was cheating with her showed her what type of man he was. If she ever got serious with him it was only a matter of time till he found some other woman to fill the side-chick position. Right…

Fast-forward a few months later she found herself feeling some type of way about him not replying to her messages as quickly as he used to.

You see this guy lived outside of Lagos, but he was in the city for an extended period when they first met. Now he was back to the city where his girlfriend lived (I won’t mention where before someone enters hot soup. You know the average woman is qualified to work for the CIA). Obviously he was spending time with his main chick which meant he was less available to my friend’s needs.

This was the beginning of the end. When he was in Lagos he still made time to see her, but in front of her he would reply messages from his main chick and even take calls.

Ladies, just in case you were wondering, if you are the one that knows about the other girl he is with, you are the side chick. The main chick is always protected from such information.

It has come to my attention that some side chicks have actually started to think themselves the number 1 because they get more frequent D or more regular gifts. Think of it more as salary for your services and less like signs of affection. When it is time to make a choice, that man will stick to his main chick (for the most part).

Anyways, I digress. Slowly but surely my friend began to want more of this guy; but not in the way she wanted him before. She already had his bodily attention, now she wanted his emotional attention. Unfortunately someone already owned that part of him. The harder she tired, the more she came off as a whinny/needy girl. Needless to say, as these things often do, it ended in her regretting ever talking to him.

Moral: Women compete with each other for the emotional attention of men. No woman wants to feel like all they are good for is a poke in bed. Not when another woman is getting so much more.

Men on the other hand are nothing like this. The phrase ‘the other man’ is more or less none existent. The female equivalent to ‘the other woman’ is so popular that there is even a movie with that title. When a man is ‘seeing’ a woman already in a relationship, more often than not he is very happy to provide only a physical service while the boyfriend handles the emotional drama. In fact, the only thing most guys care about is that they are ‘hitting it’ better than her man.

Moral: Men compete with each other for the physical attention of women. We really don’t mind feeling like all we are good for is a rump in bed. In fact we are proud to be only good at that, rather shamefully I must admit.

This polarizing attitude towards sex can be reflected in even how sexual entertainment is tailored for the sexes. Women will rather read erotica books where a man is portrayed to supply sex with commitment and emotional attention. Men just want to watch porn with a storyline as simple as a plumber coming to fix a pipe only to end up laying one.

My advice to women: If you cannot be good, be the best at being bad. As a rule of thumb I have what I call the ‘Three Hit Theory’. This theory suggests that after sleeping with a guy three times with constant conversation in between these rendezvous, a woman will get emotionally attached (A.K.A catching feelings).

If you have decided to have no-strings-attached sex, cut out all that chit-chatting in-between. When you need an oil change, just call the service engineer and let him do his job. Avoid cuddling and long pillow talks. These actions encourage the secretion of oxytocin which is an attachment hormone. You don’t want that. If you cannot emotionally handle this operation, get yourself a man. The matter of friends with benefit is for another post.

As for guys, y’all are already cold-hearted. My prayers are with you. And please ALWAYS wear your raincoat.

P.S This is a public service announcement. All generalizations are to reflect a societal majority based on my personal observation. Feel free to agree or disagree on the comment section. I am a learner.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Photographerlondon

6 Ways to Avoid Toxic Relationships

Dating is hard. Given the casual, predominantly Internet and app-based approach available to singles today, there is no denying it can be difficult to know what the other person expects, or even what one’s own expectations should be.

Yet, for most people, dating is a necessary part of trying to find the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

But between the weirdness that often surrounds dating in the Church and the unrealistic expectations portrayed in Hollywood’s romantic films, it can be difficult to find good examples of healthy dating relationship.

There is no exact formula for relationship success, as every relationship is different. But In trying to lay some sort of general framework, it’s important to recognize some of the patterns that lead to the toxic relationships that are doomed to fail:

Recognize the Rebound.

There is no exact formula for relationship success, as every relationship is different. But it’s important to recognize some of the patterns that lead to toxic relationships.

The worst time to make important decisions is when you’re going through extreme high or low points in life. During these times, your guard lowers, increasing the likelihood of latching onto the nearest available person. After enduring loss or a crushing breakup, you are vulnerable to make decisions or compromises you wouldn’t ordinarily make.

The desire to have others reciprocate kindness, love, companionship and understanding is normal, but it is always best to take time—or give the person you’re interested in time—to evaluate mistakes made in previous relationships in order to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

Avoid Controlling and Possessive People.

Those closest to you should encourage you to pursue your goals and dreams. God created marriage to ultimately glorify Him—husbands and wives should lift each other up and point each other to Christ. A relationship that tears you down goes against the nature of God’s intent.

Healthy connections should always be centered on giving others freedom instead of confinement. If you see someone manipulating others to get their way, it should be a big red flag.

Don’t Tolerate a Flake.

Anyone who has been married for any length of time can attest to the reality that feelings are as unreliable as the weather forecast. People can bring us euphoria one moment and despair the next.

Feelings are not only fleeting but they can also prompt unrealistic expectations. Obviously, a relationship built on false expectations can easily fall apart because those in the relationship can’t live up to those expectations.

Biblical relationships are saturated in devotion, allegiance and loyalty to the person—not to flaky feelings. They endure even when things are hard.

Abolish the Myth That Physical Chemistry is Everything.

Contrary to popular belief, satisfaction and completion are not based on sexual fulfillment. Relationships built on this myth are destined to crumble as couples grow older and physical beauty fades. Attraction is necessary in a relationship, but true attraction can be found beyond physical beauty. While cliché, there is truth to the statement, “Beauty is only skin deep.”

It is important to remember that genuine love is based not on what you can gain from someone but what you can give. Lasting relationships are built on giving without the expectation of receiving in return.

Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/6-ways-avoid-toxic-relationships#QwvdubmlpcVgl5rI.99

3 Things Guys Can’t Resist in a Woman

Every man wants to be wanted. If you are trying to gain the affection of a particular gentleman, there are certain aspects of your personality that will pull him towards you. After all, you want to pull a man to you, not push him away. A woman who is comfortable in her own skin and knows how to treat a man is invaluable. When a man finds a woman who possesses all of the right qualities, he will find himself in a state of bliss.

Confidence

If you know who you are as a woman, this is the first step of getting the man of your dreams. By conveying confidence in how you talk and walk, your love interest will notice that you are strong. If you can stand on your own without him, he will want to stand beside you. Because you do not need a man, you will become more attractive. A confident woman can handle any situation because she knows her worth. When a woman is insecure, a man can see it in her facial expressions, choice of words and how she treats the people around her. However, when a woman knows what she wants, men will find her irresistible.

Affection

Being an ice princess will get you nowhere near a man's heart. Men are attracted to women who know how to open up emotionally. Despite the misconception that men hate mushy women, men like to be taken care of. They enjoy hugs, kisses and many other signs of affection that only a woman can offer. The softness of a woman's body and words drive men crazy. If you are interested in a guy, be sure to show your softer side. Being affectionate does not mean hovering or acting clingy. Demonstrate your interest through encouraging words, pet names and slight touches, and he will not be able to stop thinking about you.

Admiration

Men like to feel admired by women. A woman who is able to show her man how proud she is of him through her words and actions will win over his heart. A man will not choose to be a woman who does not respect or admire his efforts. If he does not feel good about himself when is with you, then you do not stand a chance. Show him how much you admire his mind, and he will be yours before you know it.

As a woman, you are armed with all of the qualities that could make a man happy. However, seduction starts in the mind. Attraction is derived from a mixture of emotions, which can be stirred by another human being. In other words, you have more power in attracting the person who you desire than you may think. If you show a man how much you understand his needs through your actions, he will gravitate towards you.

10 Things Guys Wish Women Knew about Men

Having a hard time relating to your partner? Our mentors are here for you. Request a mentor today.

It is likely no surprise to you that God has wired women and men differently. We all recognize some of these differences, but others often hide in plain sight. Shaunti Feldhahn, a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist, author and speaker recently wrote a fantastic book, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men. In it, she recounts the surprising truths she learned about men after interviewing more than one thousand of them.

Not long ago, I had the opportunity to interview Shaunti for our radio broadcast, HomeWord with Jim Burns. In our discussion, we spoke about ten things guys wish women knew about men. I think you’ll find these ten things fascinating! Even more, I believe that in understanding these issues, you’ll be equipped to lead your marriage to a better place!

1. Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected. Husbands need to know that their wives respect them both privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their wives trust them, admire them and believe in them. Shaunti Feldhahn’s research indicated that men would rather sense the loss of loving feelings from their wives than to be disrespected by them.
2. A man’s anger is often a response to feeling disrespected by his wife. When a husband becomes angry with his wife, he may not come out and say, “You’re disrespecting me!” But, there is a good likelihood that he is feeling stung by something his wife has done which he considers disrespectful and humiliating.
3. Men are insecure. Men are afraid that they aren’t cutting it in life — not just at work, but at home, in their role as a husband. They may never vocalize this, but inwardly, they are secretly vulnerable. The antidote? Affirmation. To men, affirmation from their wives is everything! If they don’t receive this affirmation from their wives, they’ll seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine affirmation from their wives (not flattery, by the way), they become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.
4. Men feel the burden of being the provider for their family. Intellectually, it doesn’t matter how much or little a man makes, or whether or not his wife makes more or less money in her career. Men simply bear the emotional burden of providing for their family. It’s not a burden they’ve chosen to bear. Men are simply wired with this burden. As such, it is never far from their minds and can result in the feeling of being trapped. While wives cannot release their husbands from this burden, they can relieve it through a healthy dose of appreciation, encouragement and support.
5. Men want more sex. Everyone’s natural response to this is probably, “Duh!” But, that response is probably for the wrong reason. We primarily assume that men want more sex with their wives due to their physical wiring (their “needs”). But, surprisingly, Shaunti Feldhahn’s research showed that the reason men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives. Men simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man’s sense of feeling loved and desired.
6. Sex means more than sex. When men feel their wives desire them sexually, it has a profound effect on the rest of their lives. It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of his life. The flipside of this coin also carries a profoundly negative affect. When a husband feels rejected sexually, he not only feels his wife is rejecting him physically, but that she is somehow rejecting his life as a husband, provider and man. This is why making sex a priority in marriage is so incredibly important!
7. Men struggle with visual temptation. This means the vast majority of men respond to visual images when it comes to women. And, this doesn’t just mean the guys with wandering eyes. Even the most godly husband cannot avoid noticing a woman who dresses in a way that draws attention to her body. Even if it is just a glance, these visual images are stored away in the male brain as a sort of “visual rolodex” that will reappear without any warning. Men can choose whether to dwell on these images and memories or dismiss them, but they can’t control when these images appear.
8. Men enjoy romance, but doubt their skills to be romantic. True, many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn’t mean that they want to be that way! Men want to be romantic, but they just doubt their ability to pull it off. They are plagued by internal hesitations, perceiving the risk of humiliation and failure as too high. Wives can do a great deal to increase their husbands’ confidence in their romantic skills through encouragement and redefining what romance looks like. For example, a wife may balk when her husband asks her to go along to the hardware store, but it’s likely that he’s asking because he sees it as a time they can get away as a couple and hang out together. What’s not romantic about that?
9. Men care about their wife’s appearance. This isn’t saying that all men want their wives to look like the latest supermodel. What men really want is to know that their wives are making an effort to take care of themselves (and not letting themselves go) because it matters to them (the husbands!). Husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make to maintain their attractiveness.
10. Men want their wives to know how much they love them. This was the number one response of men. Men aren’t confident in their ability to express this, but they love their wives dearly. Men want to show how much they love their wives and long for them to understand this fact.

“I MISS FALLING IN LOVE” - YVONNE NELSON

Ghanaian actress Yvonne Nelson woke up Tuesday morning with this confession.

The movie producer shared with her community on twitter that she misses falling in love and can’t remember the last time she was truly in love.

Nelson is notorious for getting in and out of relationships and had dated Nigeria’s Iyanya and Ice Prince exclusively sometime in the past.

She has been single since she broke up with Iyanya and the actress is pretty nostalgic.

Hope she finds the man who understands her for who she is and stands by her in all things.

Tale of 3 Nollywood damsels who dumped their boyfriends - See more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2015/04/tale-of-3-nollywood-damsels-who-dumped-their-boyfriends/#sthash.Rpy37ygd.dpuf

Beautiful, chic, talented and sexy, are the words to describe these three Nollywood damsels, Lizzy Gold Onuwaje, Chiamaka Nwokeukwu and Peggy Onah. They have absolutely nothing in common except for their passion to make names for themselves in the make-believe world. So strong is their passion they would not allow anything to stand in their ways – including love! Hear their stories:

He said girls in Nollywood don’t stay in marriages — Lizzy Gold Onuwaje

Lizzy Gold Onuwaje isn’t new to the world of show business.  Her foray into the make-believe world started in 2006, when she won the Delta State Pageant as Miss Delta State. Then she tried her hands at the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria Pageant (MDGN) where she emerged as the second runner-up.

Like most of her peers who had the undying passion to get into acting, Lizzy had hers too, but it didn’t go well with her boyfriend at the time.

“Initially, he was very skeptical about it. He said girls in Nollywood don’t stay in marriages. To me, it depends on individuals. I don’t think it’s true, because so far, some people like Omotola have kept their marriages. But he saw that I was very passionate about it when I went as far as attending an acting school in Lagos, so he let me be. I told him, it’s either he allowed me do my acting or he let me be. So he allowed me do my acting” she said.

But Lizzy was quick to add that it wasn’t really her acting that made her drop the guy, rather because he was not measuring up to her standard as a man.

“The affair didn’t crash because I went into acting;. The basic truth is he doesn’t have money; so I decided to end the relationship. I dumped him in 2013 because he didn’t have much in terms of money and he didn’t have any push for my kind of man”.

He believed I would be snatched from him — Peggy Onah

Peggy Onah

Pretty, sexy and busty Peggy Onah, has come to find her place in the competitive movie  industry by sheer hard work and talent. Unlike most ‘wannabes’ in the  industry, who would pull off their clothes to flaunt what mother nature has endowed them with at the drop of a hat, Peggy would rather want to keep them on. Though she’s heavily endowed in the chest region, the Enugu State University graduate of Mass Communications believes her boobs shouldn’t be her calling cards.

Though not yet what you would call a popular item but Peggy has  got it going and hardly stays out of jobs. She opened up to Potpourri recently that her boyfriend almost chequered her ambition but she resolved to follow her heart and what her heart told her was “ run, run, run”.

“ I don’t know how most men perceive the world of  acting. It isn’t the way they see it. They believe anybody going into acting would be soiled by greed and wantonness. My boy friend believed I would be snatched away from him. He asked me to quit and I was just beginning to pursue my acting career. I  couldn’t quit, besides, if he really loved me, he would have stayed. I can sacrifice my career when I’ve   achieved my  dream  in the industry. But now that I’m still striving  to hit the top, I can’t sacrifice it,” she said.

He was scared I would become wild – Chiamaka Nwokeukwu

Vulnerably beautiful and sexy, Chiamaka Nwokeukwu, isn’t a household name in Nollywood. But the fair-complexioned actress is very much on her way as she is having the best run of good streak in her career. Her top draw performance in the film, Chinelo, The Shy Virgin, opened not only another vista in her career but also earned her an AFRIFIMO awards in the United States of America.

She is, as they say, on the easy street, but this would probably not have come her way if she had listened to her boyfriend who tried all means to dissuade her from going into acting.

Chiamaka

Chiamaka once told me in an interview, “Yes I dumped him for Nollywood because he doesn’t want me to be a star. He doesn’t want me to follow up my career and he has not proposed to me. The guy can leave me tomorrow and now that I have the opportunity, I need to follow up. God blessed everybody with talent. It’s not easy to have talent, most people cannot act and when you have the zeal and you can do something, you have to use it well. It’s normal for a boy and girl to meet and if you really love your girl, you would let her go into what she wants. When I get married, automatically, if my husband says he doesn’t want me to act again, I will not act again, as long as he’s taking care of me” she said.

Continuing, “He was telling me that he doesn’t want me to act, that I’m a very nice person, I’m humble, that when I go into the industry, I’ll meet big people and I’ll become wild and be doing different things. He didn’t even want me to  start. Immediately I went for my first shoot, he said, `I think you don’t like me’. I said, I like you but let me try it first. This might be where God wants me to be”

- See more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2015/04/tale-of-3-nollywood-damsels-who-dumped-their-boyfriends/#sthash.Rpy37ygd.dpuf

Ink Eze: The Nigerian Men we are Raising

This is not a Nigerian man-bashing article.

My father and brother are Nigerian. My husband most likely will be Nigerian too. I really love Nigerian men, but I think they are sort of a ‘special breed’. Why? There are so many negative traits and behaviours that seem unique to our countrymen.

I’ve reflected on them and I think a lot of it has to do with how we raise our men. Because many Nigerians are ‘religious’, we raise our sons in a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ type of way. You might be telling your son one thing, but what he observes is another. The sins of the father (and mother) then become the sins of the son.

From impatience to infidelity, here are some of the ways I’ve noticed men are raised differently, and how they manifest in later life.

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Violence
Domestic violence can be found in most cultures in the world. But that’s not the only kind of violence that can happen at home. There’s what I call ‘depraved’  violence.

I know of a very wealthy man. One day my friend was in his house, hanging out with his son and other friends. Next thing, they heard a gunshot from downstairs and got scared. When their friend, his son came back upstairs, he told them his father had shot one of the ‘MoPol’s (mobile policemen) in the leg, because the man annoyed him. After arguing with the MoPol for a trivial reason, the chief grabbed a gun from another armed employee and just went ‘Bam’! The son shrugged and added, “this is like the fourth time”. They were shaken, but after a few ‘wow’s and ‘mmm’s , went back to enjoying their hang out.

In Nigeria, we all know money talks. I’m sure this man wasn’t questioned, arrested, or cautioned in any way. How then will his children, especially that son, ever learn this is unacceptable behaviour?

Now back to Domestic Violence
I’ve heard of soo many mothers who pushed their daughters into rushed marriages. When a man starts hitting her daughter, the mum feels guilty, and she can’t advice her child to withdraw from the marriage. The mother, depending on her experience, can also rationalize it, “You sef don’t annoy him all the time” or “Your daddy used to beat me when we were younger. He will grow out of it.”

One of my friends, when she was about 11 years old, witnessed all the women in her family counsel her cousin whose husband had beat her several times, to kneel down before him to apologize for ‘upsetting him’. She did … and they reconciled.

My friend, who had been peeping at her aunties and mother, because their voices were so loud, was traumatized, and vowed that day never to marry a Nigerian man … today she is married to a non-Nigerian.

Now, imagine if my friend was a boy. What impact would this have had on him? Would he have been disgusted? Or encouraged to think women are always in the wrong and ‘deserve’ to be physically hurt for their mistakes or even just because he feels like letting out his anger on her?

There’s a common mentality amongst some, if not most Nigerians, that in marriage, we must ‘die there’. If you ask your mother, why doesn’t she (the abused relative/friend) leave, many would say, ‘leave to where?’

Cheating
The stories I could tell you about Nigerian men’s sexcapades are too many and it seems they get more twisted every day. Pastors have even told young men in my generation, “guy, this your own dey too much o”.

I’ll just share one today. A woman in a long-distance marriage, her husband flew from Abuja (where he worked) to Port Harcourt every weekend. The man then got the house girl in Port Harcourt pregnant. If a man can impregnate the domestic help under his wife’s roof, then he most likely had numerous mistresses in his work base! But even that wasn’t enough for him. The woman then ‘threw’ her husband out of the house and counseled the lady to get rid of the child – ‘he wants to spoil your future! we will not let him!’ she said. The girl cried and went ahead with an abortion … a few days after, after the last drug had been swallowed, the lady threw her out of the house, and said ‘daddy said you forced him’, and welcomed her husband back with open arms.

There are so many men that take their sons to see their girlfriends, discuss their girlfriends, even make their sons (and daughters) pay for their girlfriends’ rent, tickets and bills!

A son who sees his father do all this (and see his mother take him back), how will the son do any better?

If he cheats, society won’t frown on it, his family would understand, maybe only his religious place of worship will give him any grief, if at all.

Domestic Skills (or lack thereof)
It’s one thing not to teach your children how to cook, or clean up for themselves. It’s another thing to make your son believe it is only a woman’s role to cook or clean up after him.

I’m talking about men who will come back from a trip a week before their wives, and leave their suitcases unopened – with the melange of dirty clothes, underwear and the like, and wait for their wife to return to sort it out.

I’m talking to men who want their wives to be their mothers!

A lot of guys make their girlfriends their maids. They believe women belong in the kitchen. Some men cannot eat re-heated food from the freezer, they only want ‘fresh food’, even sometimes with wives with very demanding jobs like those at the bank. Imagine living on the mainland, waking up at 4am everyday, and coming back at 9pm, and your husband demands a freshly cooked meal … only in Nigeria.

Correcting/Shaming Women (in public)
My friend shared on Instagram how a man was using his phone on a domestic flight – taking calls and texts thousands of feet above ground! A woman asked him to put it off. He did so. Then another man came to “correct” her that he’s her elder, so she had no place to do so. His wife stayed there silently while he berated her. The woman held her own, but no-one came to her defense. This is a woman who was looking out for all their safety, and no one said a thing.

Also, what is about Nigerian men and YELLING? MUST YOU SHOUT?! IS YOUR WIFE/CHILD/DRIVER DEAF?

Impatience and Entitlement
One day I was at Mr Biggs. Yes, I love their meat pie and doughnut (when there’s a generous dollop of jam) *covers face*. Anyway, if you’re familiar with the eatery, you will know there are usually two lines. One for the hot ticket items and another – sometimes for cake, ice cream etc. A woman walked in with her son.“I’m waiting here o” she shouted at the attendants, who were hurriedly packing and serving us. “I’m coming ma,” one of the two cashiers replied. After waiting less than two minutes, the woman huffed, puffed and hissed away, as she called them ‘useless’ and other names. Right next to her, watching all this was her little son. If that isn’t an imprint, I don’t know what is.

Nigerians! We don’t queue properly for anything. From bank lines, to NYSC, orderliness doesn’t seem to be in our DNA.

I’ve been in the front of a long line at a supermarket where a man emerged behind me, flashed his Durex condoms, and threw a 500 Naira note at the attendant, as he stuffed the condoms in his pocket. The irritated woman pointed out I was first in line, as I said it was ‘OK’ if he went in front of me. As he was waiting for his receipt, she pointed out again that she had to scan the item first. So with a grumble, he brought it out and she scanned it. I shook my head as his wedding ring flashed before me. I can bet you those weren’t for his wife…

Impatience/entitlement & Ego/pride/control
There are too many examples to mention, but I have to give a special shout out to my Igbo brothers on this one. I’ve never met so many people who feel the ground they walk on should be worshiped, and their decisions and ideas shouldn’t be questioned as much as my clansmen.

I know a man who slapped his son – on his wedding day!

What could a groom possibly do to anger his father so much? Why is the need for control so great? Wonders shall never end…

Their Way or the Highway!
This is a road pun because a lot of men ‘take the piss’ on the road, and don’t admit they are wrong.

My friend was in the “7-Up” area late at night. She was emerging from a narrow street on to a T junction. As she wanted to leave, a man blocked her (he wanted to enter the narrow street) from the main road. She had two options. Either stay and wait for him to give way, or reverse to the end of the dark, pot-holed filled street.

So she decided to wait. The man was clearly enjoying her frustration. He was dancing ‘shoki’ with his hands, covering his eyes and all, showing he wasn’t ready to place them on that wheel to move his car, any time soon.

She was waiting so long that three cars, also people who wanted to leave the street, came to park behind her. The man behind her, then left his car to talk to the man blocking them all. It was evident they were friends, as they started‘gisting’ and laughing. A few minutes went by, and the man left the ‘blocker’ to knock on her window and ask her to ‘wind down’. It seemed he was going to tell her to reverse. My friend said she didn’t know when she started raining reasoning and insults at the man. He was so shocked, that he ended up not saying a word, and calmly walked back to his car.

The ‘blocker’ saw all this go down, chuckled, stopped ‘shoki’ing and reversed for them all to pass.

She had been waiting for 30 minutes.

Now imagine if his child was in his car and had witnessed all this. What a legacy to leave!

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This is by no means a comprehensive list, and as I said it’s very subjective, but in general I do think Nigerian women and men can raise their sons better.